“While they were complaining about their lives, their lives kept going and going.. and passed them by” (c)
Complaining is a mini-therapy of sorts. When you can’t (or don’t want to) change the situation you’re in, you get stuck there, and complaining becomes a way to get the toxic bitterness out of your system. You pour it out on others or just into the space around you in order not to get poisoned yourself.
What happens next? Instead of being a one-time deal, it turns into an addiction, a habit to complain constantly. Cause once you let it all out, you temporarily feel better and more energized, ready to go. But that doesn’t last long. Until the next time your life doesn’t meet your expectations. Until the next time you complain.
So you serve that dish with all kinds of different sauces to all of your friends and relatives just so they don’t get bored. And by doing so you’re going deeper and deeper in the quicksand of self-pity only getting out for a moment when you’re talking about it.
Now her majesty problem is the center of attention, alongside with more problems related to it. And, as you already know, your energy goes where your attention is. And where your energy is-there’s growth. In this case-the problem growth. So you end up living in the reality full of those problems you were complaining about and dragged into your life yourself.
“I’m so tired of complaining! I’m tired of myself and of being helpless. And I’m tired of complaining too.”-says one of my friends. I wonder if she notices herself, that she even complains about complaining? And I don’t think anybody can help her here because of the powerful incoming information filter that she has. It’s strong like bulletproof glass.
Yes, sometimes this kind of behavior is caused by depression and changes in the pleasure center of the cortex. In other words, the decrease in pleasure hormones production caused by major stress.
But more often it’s just a cognitive habit, sometimes even being passed from generation to generation. When in all honesty, the reason for that behavior is almost always the same: inflated sense of self-importance.
The theme is always the same: "The world owes me. For no reason, simply because I exist and have expectations".
But that’s not the case.
Trust me, the world is very just. Always and to everybody. Maybe you can’t see it at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not so. It’s like looking at the back side of a rug with a pattern. It looks messy, unnecessary and plain wrong. But once you flip it around, you’ll see how all that “mess” creates the perfectly drawn pattern.
So what do we do?
First of all- if you want to shift your focus of attention from problems to solutions-watch yourself! Simply track what you’re thinking and what you’re saying. Raise your “wakeupness” level. We all need to wake up. Not at once and not for good all of a sudden, but at least half way to begin with.
And now, being half awake, say to yourself:
Ugh! Seems like all I do is complain! I feel sorry for myself and complain.
Why did I decide that the World is unfair to me?
Why did I decide that the World owes me anything? That things are supposed to be the exact way I’m expecting them to be?
Gonna tell you right now-one day is not enough to see the changes. Give yourself at least a week to observe your “complain program” in action. What triggers it? What’s the point where you can’t stop?
A week of close observation can let you leave it in your past forever and make your life much easier.